Friday Fictioneers #6

11 Apr

This is my Friday Fictioneers contribution for the week.  The prompt can be found here.

Re-building

She places her palm against the body of the building and absorbs the warmth that seeps through the brick.  Her fingers caress the time-worn exterior, tracing the porous patterns on bricks that seem to breathe.

His fingers grab at her posterior, kneading patterns into her body that block her ability to breathe.  He pushes her roughly against the building.  The warmth of her shame seeps through the brick.

The heat of a mother’s pain warms the icy bricks and grief steals her will to breathe.  The building supports her body as her fingers fail to find her daughter’s final fingerholds.

 

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15 Responses to “Friday Fictioneers #6”

  1. Anita April 12, 2014 at 4:24 pm #

    Sad one.

  2. elappleby April 12, 2014 at 6:00 pm #

    I think this is a really impressive piece of writing – the ‘relationship’ with the bricks especially. I read it a few times and got more each time. Excellent.

    • mscwhite April 13, 2014 at 7:44 am #

      Thanks so much!

      Originally, I had wanted to keep the elements in a pattern, with each paragraph starting with the element that the previous paragraph had ended with… however, I could not quite make that work.

      I am glad that what I ended up with with still effective.

  3. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) April 13, 2014 at 5:15 am #

    This is what fiction should be … really each “stanza” adds another layer of sadness… really the last one made my heart stop

    • mscwhite April 13, 2014 at 7:46 am #

      Thanks so much for your kind words! I struggled with the wording of the final ‘stanza’ for a while as I was not quite sure how to most effectively explain the mix of anguish, grief and loss. I am stoked that the wording chosen produced the desired effect.

  4. sustainabilitea April 13, 2014 at 6:07 am #

    And the title works perfectly.

    janet

    • mscwhite April 13, 2014 at 7:47 am #

      Yay! Normally when I write for Friday Fictioneers I start with the title and the story flows from there. This time, the title only suggested itself after I had finished writing the story.

  5. rochellewisoff April 13, 2014 at 10:20 am #

    Dear MSC,

    A sad one, layer upon layer.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  6. subroto April 13, 2014 at 10:58 pm #

    Very well crafted, layer after layer. A sad story so subtly conveyed.

  7. Sun April 14, 2014 at 11:02 am #

    love the subtle details in this story. makes me wonder what will happen next. well done.

  8. patrickprinsloo April 14, 2014 at 10:05 pm #

    So sad a story. I liked the way the brickwork is woven in throughout.

  9. patriciaruthsusan April 15, 2014 at 4:02 pm #

    A sad but lovely story of a mother’s love that continues on through time. Well written

  10. atrm61 April 16, 2014 at 5:30 am #

    Achingly poignant and brillaintly told-kudos!

    • atrm61 April 16, 2014 at 5:31 am #

      *Brilliantly I meant

  11. Nan Falkner April 16, 2014 at 1:31 pm #

    Such a sad story but you tell it to perfection! The poor mother can not reach her child. Wow this was intense! Brick upon brick, you keep building a sadder tale. EXCELLENT! Nan 🙂

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