Friday Fictioneers #7

17 Apr

This is my Friday Fictioneers contribution for the week.  The prompt can be found here.

 

War zone

Uncle Jimmy had the best imagination.

Under his guidance, the living room became a war zone; couch cushions masqueraded as trenches, taped-together toilet rolls changed into bayonets, carpet was transformed into sludge that sucked the socks off one’s feet.

Like good soldiers, my brother and I followed orders, ingesting baked beans prior to Jimmy’s visits.  “Noxious farts lend authenticity,” he said.  “They make everyone reach for their gas masks.”

From behind his mask, in a deep and muffled voice punctuated by sobs and screams, Jimmy offered a human soundtrack to our war.

His war.

Jimmy did not need to imagine.

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16 Responses to “Friday Fictioneers #7”

  1. elmowrites April 18, 2014 at 12:07 am #

    I’m not sure what to think about Uncle Jimmy – is it brave, or maybe foolish, of him to recreate an experience that had caused him such damage. I loved your description of a child’s version of the war.

    • mscwhite April 18, 2014 at 9:05 am #

      Therapeutic, maybe? I couldn’t quite decide and thus deliberately elected not to include a comment on his choices in the story.

  2. Shandra April 18, 2014 at 12:45 am #

    Powerful piece juxtaposed with boy-body function humor 🙂 & a lifetime of haunting veteran ptsd-memories. Well done.

    • mscwhite April 18, 2014 at 9:08 am #

      Thanks. I was not sure about the body function humour, but felt that it needed something to show that the kids had no appreciation at the time that Jimmy’s narration of the war was anything but a product of a strong imagination. On reflection, I think the juxtaposition enhances the power of the ending.

  3. faithsfire April 18, 2014 at 3:50 am #

    Great capture of emotion here.

  4. Judah First April 18, 2014 at 4:59 am #

    A sad reminiscence of the living casualties of war. 😦

  5. Taygibay April 18, 2014 at 11:28 pm #

    The switch to the dark deep drop was perfect. That’s a proper ending! Kudos, Tay.

  6. aliciajamtaas April 19, 2014 at 6:53 am #

    Of all the stories I’ve read for this prompt, this is one of my favorites. Well written flash. And the body-function part is probably one of the truest parts. Soldiers have little fun. Thank you for this good read.

    • mscwhite April 20, 2014 at 11:48 pm #

      Thank you so much for your kind words!

  7. patriciaruthsusan April 19, 2014 at 6:02 pm #

    Detail makes this story come alive. This was no doubt therapy for the uncle and imaginative play for the kids. Thorough and well done.

  8. Nan Falkner April 19, 2014 at 6:49 pm #

    Very well done, and I applaud the Uncle for playing with his nephews and giving them a sense of what war would be like – I hope he talked to them and I hope this therapy helped him too. I HATE WAR!!! However, it is a fact of life – probably always has been, and for this century, so far, it has been. Good job! Nan 🙂

  9. rochellewisoff April 19, 2014 at 7:03 pm #

    Dear MSC,

    Just the right amount of pathos. Uncle Jimmy sounds like a wonderful person. Well written, well done.

    BTW. For some odd reason, your comment on my story went to trash and in deleting something else I deleted your comment. In any case, thank you. 😉 Sorry, I didn’t delete it on purpose, promise.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • mscwhite April 20, 2014 at 1:46 am #

      Thanks for stopping by! I won’t take the deletion personally! I can’t recall exactly what the comment was, but I did enjoy your story (as per usual)!

  10. subroto April 20, 2014 at 12:54 pm #

    Everybody needs an Uncle Jimmy, anyone who suggests baked beans for authenticity has my vote 🙂

  11. sustainabilitea April 21, 2014 at 9:50 am #

    I like the way you have a true and difficult story side-by-side with a child’s view of playing war and a wonderful Uncle Jimmy. Excellent.

    janet

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Friday Fictioneers: ‘Mask’ | Once uPUN a time... - June 12, 2016

    […] story in response to a provided photo prompt.  This time, the prompt is a repeat.  I quite liked the story I wrote the first time, and don’t think my second attempt quite measures up.  That said, I did enjoy the challenge […]

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